MA Show Update 4.30
Hello Graduate Committee,
In an attempt to streamline the feedback process in this final week before my MA Exhibition I have decided to turn to the easily commentable and feedbackable superstructure provided by the Blogger.com interface.
This will over come the problem of too many cross emailed messages with multiple CC's.
So let's let'er rip, please start by downloading this file an updated PDF as of April 30th.
My thoughts on this revision:
All new writing should be considered as version 1.0. It is coming very slowly and difficultly. I think the Jessica K (down in flames) is the most close to being finished. I'm not sure if I even want feedback on it yet, however.
Monday I will finish Joanna and Alisa's Version 1.0 writing. Perhaps 1 night stand as well, Mat and Lane please give me some feedback to help me decide. (Also on second thought, let me know about what you think about the second Jessica (flames) now. If the consensus is strong enough I could print her Tuesday.) At that point I will make B&W prints of the entire series. And this will help me think more clearly about version 2.0 texts for All of the pieces.
My aim is to be printing Tuesday and Wednesday night, taping into mat's and glass polishing on Thursday morning and chalkline snapping and dry wall screwing Thursday night.
Okay, please post your responses to this particular blog entry. To do so you may need a blogger account, but I am almost certain I set it to allow ANYONE to post comments. So please go to town. Word. Jesus.
In an attempt to streamline the feedback process in this final week before my MA Exhibition I have decided to turn to the easily commentable and feedbackable superstructure provided by the Blogger.com interface.
This will over come the problem of too many cross emailed messages with multiple CC's.
So let's let'er rip, please start by downloading this file an updated PDF as of April 30th.
My thoughts on this revision:
All new writing should be considered as version 1.0. It is coming very slowly and difficultly. I think the Jessica K (down in flames) is the most close to being finished. I'm not sure if I even want feedback on it yet, however.
Monday I will finish Joanna and Alisa's Version 1.0 writing. Perhaps 1 night stand as well, Mat and Lane please give me some feedback to help me decide. (Also on second thought, let me know about what you think about the second Jessica (flames) now. If the consensus is strong enough I could print her Tuesday.) At that point I will make B&W prints of the entire series. And this will help me think more clearly about version 2.0 texts for All of the pieces.
My aim is to be printing Tuesday and Wednesday night, taping into mat's and glass polishing on Thursday morning and chalkline snapping and dry wall screwing Thursday night.
Okay, please post your responses to this particular blog entry. To do so you may need a blogger account, but I am almost certain I set it to allow ANYONE to post comments. So please go to town. Word. Jesus.
posted by Jesus Ali @ 12:58:00 AM
3 Comments:
At Monday, May 1, 2006 at 2:32:00 PM CDT,
Anonymous said…
But here are some comments regarding the project:
In general, I think you are making good progress.
Joanna = looks good to me!
Julia = typo at "next two week(s)"... also, I found the "like dating a William Burroughs novel" simile to be a bit forced, or at least unclear. I think I know what you mean, but then, I've never dated any kind of novel. (am I thus spineless?) (ahh, cut it out!).
Amanda = not wild about this background. also the phrase "self pity sad" seems a bit strange. maybe poetic, but awkward.
Jessica = really nice picture + background. when you say "between Jessica and I" should it be "between Jessica and me"??? (Lisa, chime in, Ms Pronoun Queen!)
also typo (space needed) at "too long, infact" and I'm not wild about phrase "puked my heart out"... the puking sounds physical (really barfed?) since you are speaking about drunk on Paxil, and puts an image into the story that seems too forced... (unless you really were puking on the floor at that point in time).
Becca = this is a great shot. are there font size issues between the first paragraph and the rest?
Aria = run-on sentence at end of first paragraph. Should "purient" be "prurient"? and conciously be consciously? also, end of 4th paragraph is awkward.
Alisa = I love this pic. it is my favorite entry, in spite of no story.
Anna = misspell equalibrium twice. (should be equilibrium)
Jessica = don't like this shot too much
Patricia = too much text. needs editing to get the story tighter. seems rambly...
Hope this helps!
lane
At Monday, May 1, 2006 at 7:13:00 PM CDT,
Anonymous said…
In general, I think you are making good progress.
Joanna = looks good to me!
Julia = typo at "next two week(s)"... also, I found the "like dating a William Burroughs novel" simile to be a bit forced, or at least unclear. I think I know what you mean, but then, I've never dated any kind of novel. (am I thus spineless?) (ahh, cut it out!).
Amanda = not wild about this background. also the phrase "self pity sad" seems a bit strange. maybe poetic, but awkward.
Jessica = really nice picture + background. when you say "between Jessica and I" should it be "between Jessica and me"??? (Lisa, chime in, Ms Pronoun Queen!)
also typo (space needed) at "too long, infact" and I'm not wild about phrase "puked my heart out"... the puking sounds physical (really barfed?) since you are speaking about drunk on Paxil, and puts an image into the story that seems too forced... (unless you really were puking on the floor at that point in time).
Becca = this is a great shot. are there font size issues between the first paragraph and the rest?
Aria = run-on sentence at end of first paragraph. Should "purient" be "prurient"? and conciously be consciously? also, end of 4th paragraph is awkward.
Alisa = I love this pic. it is my favorite entry, in spite of no story.
Anna = misspell equalibrium twice. (should be equilibrium)
Jessica = don't like this shot too much
Patricia = too much text. needs editing to get the story tighter. seems rambly...
Hope this helps!
lane
At Tuesday, May 2, 2006 at 7:06:00 PM CDT,
Anonymous said…
coupla comments:
joanna:
overcome is one word (not over come) unless you actually mean that. yuk.
i think it can just end with "i believe that growing up with a single parent ... happy and bored." you might say "single mom" or otherwise make that sentence more interesting, but it ends okay there. don't need a kicker. your life sort of supplies that.
alisa: the picasso stuff gets a bit long. i think you can just cut to chase: artist needs to preach, needs to fuck, needs to teach. we all know what picasso was (and wasn't).
Jenny:
"from which i had graduated the year before" you have too many "from's." take out the second one - sentence above is correct.
too many tendencies in the next paragraph. find another word for one of them?
lab story is good, but probably could be edited just a bit. not sure about the references to the other girls. i find my self asking, "who??" then remembering, "oh." too much to hold in my mind.
lisa
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